


Unlocking The Door

by apocryphile



Category: West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 03:05:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocryphile/pseuds/apocryphile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iowa. Josh knocks, eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unlocking The Door

**Author's Note:**

> Posted a story it took me a month to write, then sat down and wrote this in less than an hour... For sweet [Emily](http://doajob.tumblr.com), who lets me ramble on about whatever I want, so I figured I'd ramble about what she wanted to hear :)

The second time he left his room, he didn’t even make it as far as her door before losing his nerve.

Exhausted, lonely, and almost frantic with worry that he might actually have lost her for good, he somehow rationalized that if he couldn’t bear another night of pacing alone and couldn’t face the enormity of confronting her, he might as well split the difference and camp out in the hallway. It might have occurred to him that if she came out, she’d pretty much have to talk to him, but even that much strategy was beyond him at that point.

He woke up when his head hit the carpet.

Lurching to his feet, he cursed. “Why,” he grumbled under his breath, “the hell,” he nearly stumbled, “do they play music in the halls in the middle of the night?!”.

Dimly, the reality that he was talking to himself, aloud, in a hotel corridor, sunk in, and he was pounding on her door before he could stop himself.

The lock clicked almost immediately, and he jumped back, having not even had time to wonder whether she’d open it at all.

They blinked at each other.

“Did you lock yourself out again?”

He patted his pockets, glanced back towards own room.

“No, I, ah… I mean yes, I probably did, but that’s not why I’m here.”

She bit her lip, sizing him up.

“I know,” she whispered after a moment.

He frowned.

“You do?”

She relaxed, fractionally.

“I was giving you an out.” She shrugged. “You were out there for quite a while.”

“You were watching me?”

“I checked on you a few times, I was doing other…” She sighed. “Yes, I was watching you.”

He chuckled.

“That makes me feel better. My thing’s still more pathetic, but still, I wasn’t totally alone on my limb.”

That earned him a smile.

“You were never alone on your limb, Josh. You know that.”

His own smile faded.

“I don’t feel like I know anything anymore.”

About six different emotions flitted across her face, and a wave of tension surged through him, clenching his fists in his pockets, hunching his shoulders and setting his jaw. Eventually, she nodded.

“I deserved that.”

He closed his eyes for a moment.

“It wasn’t… I didn’t mean it like that, it wasn’t a… I wasn’t trying to throw that at you. I’m just… I’m really, really confused, Donna. Every time I see you it makes less sense to me.”

The unspoken admission of how desperately he missed her hung in the air between them. 

Out of sight, the tiny complimentary kettle boiled and clicked off, and Donna shook herself slightly, as though she felt remiss in her role as hostess.

“Do you want some tea?”

“Did you pack your own girly floral herbal spicy nighttime elixir?”

For a split second, they were back to their old, comfortable, teasing selves, and the color started returning to her cheeks as she grinned at him.

“Of course I did, and that’s all you’re allowed at this time of night or you’ll never get to sleep.”

“It’s not your job to manage my sleeping patterns anymore, Donna.”

“It was never my job,” she replied quietly. “I just did it anyway.”

He searched her face.

“And now?”

She set the small box of teabags down and moved closer. He tried not to flinch when she stopped just short of touching him.

“I never stopped caring about you, Josh. Not for a moment.”

He could hear the tremor in her speech and he looked away, unable to meet her gaze.

“That’s good to know,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

“It’s all you need to know,” she answered, and she did reach for him then, taking his hand, her touch light as a feather.

He shook his head.

“It’s really good to know,” he repeated, “but I still don’t understand…”

It was her turn to avert her eyes, and his heart sank a little when she stepped back, but she was gesturing for him to sit. Hesitantly, he joined her by the bed, waiting until she’d perched on the edge of the mattress before sinking down next to her. It was softer than he’d expected, and they bumped shoulders as it shifted under their weight. When she made no effort to move away he felt a flicker of hope in his chest. 

“I don’t even know if I can really explain it. I’ve stayed awake so many nights, wondering what it was that made me actually do it, what tipped me over the edge, especially when things were so crazy, there was so much to do…”

She took a deep breath. When she’d started speaking she’d been looking at the ground, but she faced him now.

“I was angry at you, but I’ve been angry at you... lots of times." They both smiled a little."...and I’ve gotten over it, or we’ve fixed it… I think the difference was I was angry at myself, too. And I felt like I’d been given a second chance, and all you seemed to want to do was go back to the way things were before…”

He opened his mouth to respond, but she held up a hand and went on.

“And that’s OK, I understand that, because I did the same thing after you were hurt.” She bit her lip, and although he saw tears shining at the corners of her eyes, he resisted the urge to reach out to her before she’d said her piece. “I got mad at myself for letting you.”

Her hands fluttered in midair, as though she were practicing illustrating a point she was yet to make.

“The way I left… I was punishing myself as much as you, or at least trying to. I’d been thinking about moving on for a while, but I’d planned to give you plenty of notice, to work with you to find a replacement, see if I couldn’t do something else in the West Wing… And you only blew me off for lunch because you didn’t know any of that, but I couldn’t bear to put it in an email or a voicemail, and I was too scared to tell you at the office because I thought I’d fall apart… But I guess it was one time too many, because I just saw red and lashed out.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and the tears fell then, and when he went to comfort her he realized his hands had already drifted onto her knees. She stilled his movement, holding off accepting his comfort for a few seconds more.

“I need you to understand that I’m not sorry for taking a new job, Josh. It’s hard work and I don’t love all of it but it’s what I wanted. But…” She nearly faltered then and he nodded, encouraging her to finish even though his heart was hammering in his chest. She swallowed a gulp of air and her words tumbled out in a rush. “I’m so, so sorry for the way I did it, and I’ve missed you so much…”

As though she’d finally broken some kind of spell keeping them apart, he pulled her into his arms with such force he nearly toppled backwards, tangling his fingers in her hair and burying his face in her neck. She couldn’t hear what he was murmuring, but she understood him loud and clear anyway. They rocked gently back and forth for a moment or two, clutching at each other, twisted awkwardly on the corner of the sagging mattress. 

When they pulled apart they were both laughing slightly, giddy with relief, tearstained and a little dazed. On impulse, Josh cupped Donna’s cheeks with both hands and kissed her on the forehead, lingering. When he straightened up he slid his hands down to her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.

“I really, really hate your flowery fruity healthy tea.”

She burst out laughing.

“…so I’m going to buy you a cup of coffee instead.”

Her eyebrows shot up.

“Tomorrow,” he added hastily. “I’m going to buy you a cup of coffee, tomorrow, and try to explain some things of my own.” He blinked. “And apologise for some of them.” He nodded to himself. “But for now, I’m going to sleep…” He leaned in and kissed her brow again. “…better than I have since before Christmas, I expect.”

He grinned at her, and it was the warm, affectionate smile she treasured and hadn’t seen in way too long. 

“Me too,” she whispered.

He hugged her again, far more gently, and she rested her head on his shoulder, tucking her legs under herself so she could turn and face him more fully. When she shifted closer still, as though settling in, he chuckled and nudged her.

“Much as I would love to, I don’t think I should actually sleep here, Donna.”

She stalled for just a moment more before letting him go.

“I know.”

His lips quirked the way they always did when he was flirting most egregiously.

“Maybe that can be a topic for another night.”

She blushed so hard she could feel her ears burning, but she composed herself quickly.

“Keep following us around the country and you never know, you might get lucky.”

He stood up, chuckling, reflexively helping her to her feet before heading to the door. 

“It’s the only reason I’m on the campaign trail.”

She shook her head in fond disbelief, following him into the hall, waiting to see how he coped with his own lock. 

He got it in one, and she giggled at the look of bafflement on his face.

“I swear I wasn’t doing it on purpose to make you help me.”

“I know.”

He shrugged, not really caring whether she believed him or not.

“Tomorrow?”

She nodded, smiling for all she was worth.

“Tomorrow.”

They shared one last long look before closing their doors.


End file.
